When I was a child, I spoke as a child. When I’m a warlock, I talk smack

We all have fantasies most of which we outgrow. One of mine was a Porsche 911 GT2 RS (about $350K all tricked out, 0-60 in 2.7 sec.). Another BEFORE I met Mrs. Jester were the Asian Twins, Fire and Ice. With their thigh-high leather boots and black fingernails filed to a point. But I digress. My current unachievable fantasy is to publish a novel based on Styr-Leng, the fair to middling warlock. I have been putting the warlock’s adventures on the New Age Jester blog (www.newagejester.com) as they were drafted. Then I looked up SF/Fantasy publishers and they frown on potential works being previously published in any format. So, Styr-Leng will have to take an extended vacation from the internet world while I continue to work on his adventures at an excruciatingly slow pace (which is why I haven’t posted on other topics). But to keep you up to date, here is the developing pantheon of characters:

Main Characters So Far:

Styr-Leng: A warlock not without some magical talent or charm.

Bob Zimmerman: There is more than meets the eye to our part-time barkeep and up-and-coming poet/bard.

Vander Wanderwood: A sanctimonious, ill-tempered paladin, but what can you expect from someone who wears Underpants of the Holy.

Secondary Characters So Far (Will they become more important?):

Axel: Rather dim-witted logger of the Alder Tribe.

Utrich: Crabber who’s always trying to run out on his bar tab.

Thomas A’Pinus: Loves to narrate bar brawls.

Jesus: A guest appearance courtesy of THE HOLY TRINITY, INC. (THEY required that THEY be in all caps.) Perhaps HE’ll come back. People say it’s hard to keep a good man down.

Edgar the Ball Scratching Troll: What more can I say. Actually, there’s about 1000 words more, but you’ll have to read the story.

Nicodemus: Bob’s black cat (and what other color were expecting for a night cat?) who’s always trying to get into Styr-Leng’s magical pouch.

Druantia: Celtic tree goddess. One of Styr-Leng’s deities with benefits.

Taylor Swiftness: The singing witch. Who knows, perhaps she’ll compete with Druantia for Styr-Leng’s attention. Perhaps she and Druantia will get it on. Who knows?

The baloi ba bosigo: The Night Witch. No one’s friend and no benefits.

Characters On The Horizon:

Styr-Leng’s Mother: A retired witch. Does she have a husband? Perhaps four or five exes, I’ve been told that very smart people are hard to live with.

The Vandals: From the North Country comes ominous sounds of heavy metal thunder and that little metal ball rattling around in the bottom of spray paint cans.

Fiona The Nose Picking Troll: Edgar’s more refined sister.

AND MORE TO COME

New Age Jester Sued

The two street walkers shown in the Sept. 24th, 2018 “DC Whores” post are suing the New Age Jester for slander, libel, defamation of character, and being an all-around asshole for comparing them to Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Kandy, the “blond” in the post, said, “We’re not lying whores. We say you’re going to get a BJ, you’re going to get a damn good BBBJ to completion.”

The two hookers are represented by Michael Avenatti. Avenatti, appearing on MSNBC, CNN, Fox, Today Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, The View, Rush Limaugh, and Dancing with the Stars, claims to have to secret tapes documenting asshole behavior by the New Age Jester. Right after Avenatti’s bombshell, Omarosa Newman responded that she has much, much juicier tapes which she will release just before her new book, “Unhinged Again”, comes out.

When reached for comment, Sarah Huckabee Sanders snapped, “I don’t know anything about that, or the next question you’re going to ask. You’ll have to contact the White House Lawyers. Who won’t talk to you because you’re rude.”